I decided to take the dog for a walk, again! A recurring daily activity in these strange and isolated times in which we live. It was eerily quiet today in the neighborhood. I imagine everyone being “safely” shut in behind their doors. Of course, there is the sound of the whistling winds, blowing at a crisp 20 mph through the tall pine trees that line the streets.
We take pause at a pond and view the ducks and their little ducklings. They swim towards us looking for their stimulus check in the form of a few breadcrumbs. Unfortunately, this day my pockets are empty. And after our acknowledgments, we carry on.
It’s hard to know how to feel in times like these. There is an apparent dichotomy of feelings and emotions that flow in and out like the tides of the seas. Just like the moon that controls the tides, my mood seems to depend on where I cast my gaze. I’m grateful for the stock filled cabinets in our beautiful home, and yet selfishly disappointed at the lack of communal and social interaction that is also a sustenance of life. I try to rest in the peacefulness of being in the moment, but the desire of wanting something more tugs at me like my dog at the end of the leash, anxious and ready to move on down the road.
We return home, a place of safety from the viral storm that has engulfed us all. Are we truly “safe,” meaning of course, free from harm? Or are we just looking for the eye of the storm in which to give us a respite from the turmoil and natural volatility of life? It seems like soon as we vanquish one villain, another one ready appears. Whether that villain comes in the form of a virus, the 2008 financial crisis, or on a more personal note – the loss of a friendship or loved one. It just seems like there’s always another battle to fight.
I suppose the nature of survival, which is at the center of life, is a battle. The victors winning survival, only to live on to fight another day.
A competitive person like myself usually thrives on such a challenge. However, my 57 years of experience has me as battle worn as a setting sun. This extended quarantine and living much of the time in isolation, is wearing away any competitive edge. My desire to fight, is lessening and losing some of its once burning luster. I’m not that this is a “bad” thing, just different.
Similar perhaps to the changing of seasons from summer to fall.
Do the leaves of a tree, once vibrant green and flowing life through their veins, reluctantly fall to the ground?
I wonder.
Perhaps it is time to give up the battle. One can embrace the focus and strong determination of a steamship or climb aboard a much slower but graceful moving sailboat. A sailboat that is driven by the wind and whose habitants would seem to enjoy the journey of just being at sea.
It can be difficult to give up one vessel for another. Especially when one becomes so accustomed to the feel and security of its predictable performance. And yet, things rust, they breakdown, they don’t work as well as they once did. Perhaps this time is meant for us all to reflect on and repair the vessels in which we move and sail.
It’s been reported that the healthy have much less to fear in regards to mortality in the face of this viral pandemic. Even so, there’s always something we can choose to fear in life. From when we were kids and feared riding a rollercoaster, to when we’re older and fear getting sick and dependent on others for survival. Personal fears is a relationship that stays with us throughout the human experience. How we respond to those fears, however, is one challenge we all face in life. Facing fear takes courage. For courage is not the absence of fear, but moving into the area of concern in spite of the fear. This is a perfect time then, for us to develop that important character trait known as courage. “It’s not the years in one’s life that matters as much as the life in one’s years,” is another quote I align with.
An anchored ship, even in the apparent safety of a harbor, can be destroyed in a bad storm. Oftentimes because of its anchor! As we lift anchor and head back out to sea, may you keep the wind at your back and the sun upon your face. As my son Jimmy’s tattoo (which is of a small sailboat setting sail into a stormy sea) says, “Sail with the tide.”
As we move forward in these difficult times, it is my hope that we can remain mindful and stop to appreciate and admire each other, and all our varying viewpoints. Respect one and other and the quality of the moments we share together.
And don’t forget to walk and feed the dog.
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